Join Lexi Giblin, PhD (Opal Co-Founder) for a heartfelt conversation with mother-daughter duo Kara Bazzi, LMFT (Opal Co-Founder and Director of Opal’s Exercise+Sport Program) and Sophia, a soon-to-be collegiate athlete. Together, they walk down memory lane to explore the stand out intersections of parenting and running in Sophia’s high school career. With honesty and vulnerability, Kara and Sophia reflect on the joys and tensions of sharing a passion for the same sport, the challenges of navigating high-performance environments, and the influence of Kara’s own eating disorder recovery on her parenting.
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Editing by David Bazzi
Music by Aaron Davidson: https://soundcloud.com/diet75/
Sound engineering by Ayesha Ubayatilaka at Jack Straw Studios
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Transcription brought to you by: Rev.com
Lexi Giblin (00:06):
Welcome to the Appetite, a podcast brought to you by Opal Food and Body Wisdom, an eating disorder treatment clinic in Seattle, Washington. On this podcast, we talk about all things food, body movement, and mental health. I am Dr. Lexi Giblin, your host for today, and I have a special duo in the studio With me today we have Kara Bazi and her daughter Sophia. Hi Kara. Hi Sophia. Welcome. Thank you. So many of you probably know that we treat athletes at Opal. It’s an area of specialization and movement and athletes, and we’ve recently started taking 16 and older clients, and in addition to that, Julie, Cara and I are all parenting athletes, teen athletes as we speak. So we thought that this was a helpful, potentially helpful conversation to have on air to give all of you out there who are parenting athletes a glimpse into what we’ve thought through and some of the experiences we’ve had. And today we’re going to get to dive into Kara and Sophia’s experience together as a parent and athlete and hopefully learn more about how we can support our loved ones as athletes and navigate the very complicated waters of the adolescent sports world.
Kara Bazzi (01:47):
Yes,
Lexi Giblin (01:48):
Yes. And as you’ll here, Sophia is going to be running in college and my daughter is playing basketball in college. So we are still in this active parenting of athletes even as they leave there or into their later teen years. So Sophia and Kara tell us, just give us a little sense of what you all give us some background.
Kara Bazzi (02:18):
Sure. I can start and then Sophia can fill in some gaps. So let’s see. Our family, Sophia has a younger sister, Hannah, two years younger. Sophia is just graduated from high school. Woo. So that’s been exciting. We just finished her senior track season. Sophia and Hannah are both cross country and track athletes as children. They participated in a lot of different sports at the youth level through middle school. Then let’s see, Sophia COVID hit when Sophia was in middle school. So that gives some context there and that really shaped and changed the sport journey for them, and they both got more involved in distance running. And let’s see, David and I as their parents, we are both distance runners ourselves. We both ran collegiately at the University of Washington, so that is the sport that we took the farthest and the highest level of competition.
(03:20):
And we now have two runners. Our daughters are both in that sport, so that is important context in this conversation. My husband David is also has coached for 20 years in the sport of distance running and has recently coached Sophia and Hannah in this latest track season. And I had the opportunity to coach at the high school level in cross country this fall for Sophia and Hannah. So we have the perspective as parents, we have the perspective as coaches. And then the last piece I think is relevant to this conversation, especially on the appetite is most people know that have followed our podcast that I have a history of an eating disorder. My eating disorder emerged through the context of collegiate athletics at my University of Washington journey. And so I have gone through a transformational healing myself. That’s what got me into this field, and therefore that has seeped its way into my parenting. It seeped its way into my parenting of athletes and in particular in the sport of distance running that has historically a very high rate of disordered eating and eating disorders. So a lot of different pieces. Sophia, am I missing anything?
Sophia Bazzi (04:38):
No, I think you’ve pretty much covered it. Yeah, I would say I’ve been running track in cross country since seventh grade. Well cross country since seventh grade. So I’ve been doing it now for six years. And I have kind of been coached by both of you a little bit on the way you’ve been very involved in the whole process, but I think it wasn’t until this year that you were both actually my coaches in an official capacity. So that has been different, but it’s been kind of a journey together for six years so far. Yes.
Lexi Giblin (05:10):
Something maybe I would add is that Kara and David are both really high achieving athletes. I mean, they were UDub athletes, division one athletes, and I know Kara did amazing things with running and your dad was an All-American. And so I wonder if we could start there and just hear some of how you’ve taken that in growing up. Has there been a sense of, oh, high expectations because I am from these two amazing athletes?
Sophia Bazzi (05:47):
Yeah, I mean, I think as a kid I was just very, my parents are so impressive. It was a very sense of pride. I like telling my friends that, especially with my dad, that he was the record holder at UDub in the 5K and the 10 K has been something that I always thought was so impressive, but I don’t think I felt necessarily a pressure to live up to that. I think it started, I was kind of avoidant of the sport. I didn’t want to get involved in cross country and track. I was not interested in it. I was very interested in other sports like soccer and volleyball and things like that. So I think that’s kind of how I wanted to carve my own path and be involved in something else. That was kind of how maybe that manifested, and I think I was going to be involved in volleyball more competitively.
(06:32):
That was my plan to go to high school, play volleyball, but then obviously COVID hit and I couldn’t play volleyball. So that’s kind of what got me involved more deeply in cross country is that was the only sport. I love sports, and that was the only sport it was really able to do because it’s outdoors. It was more safe I guess. So that’s what got me involved in that. But I think now that I’ve been involved in it for a while, I don’t think that there’s been, in my mind a lot of pressure to live up to that standard. But I think it’s just been cool to have the support of my parents knowing what they’ve been thorough and they’ve been competing at a high level. I think especially in my recruiting process, they were such a good resource and they just know so much. And with mom’s experience with eating disorders and knowing what to look out for with coaches and with the team culture, maybe red flags I guess of things to look at was so helpful. So I think it’s definitely been a resource and something I’ve been proud of versus something I felt was a sense of pressure.
Kara Bazzi (07:38):
Wow, that’s actually cool to hear. I didn’t know what you were going to say. Yeah,
Lexi Giblin (07:44):
Yeah. I mean I can see that they are resourced and David helped my daughter Ila with the recruitment process and you have so much resource within your family, so I can see how it would be felt that way. I wonder if you would take a moment and reflect on your decisions around the time at which you started running. And I know in Seattle area, and I think across the nation, kids are doing club sport year round and traveling for sport at a young age year round. And I am curious what your theories are the way you have a thinking about that and how that impacted your decisions to either push or encourage or not encourage Sophia to go into something year round and hardcore at an early age.
Kara Bazzi (08:44):
So I think informed by both David and I as athletes and what I’ve learned in my own professional line of work, I was very aware of early sports specialization with athletes and cautious about that. I think from interestingly in the sport of distance running, there is some more freedom around timing. I think that there might be more pressure now in the changing landscape, especially of collegiate and NCAA sports, of some of the changes that are happening there with roster size limits. And that can leak some pressure down to the high school level of having to compete at a higher level in order to get recruited. But at the time that David and I were athletes, NCAA would take developing athletes so we were not, running was actually secondary sport for me. I was a basketball player. That was more of the dream I had for college sports.
(09:50):
And so I wasn’t running high mileage in high school. I didn’t feel a lot of pressure. My recruiting journey was very different than Sophia’s in the sense that I got recruited by a coach who was coaching one of my relatives. And so he took a chance on me given my genetic background. And David, he also didn’t get very serious about running until high school. So neither of us had the youth experience of being in the sport at a young age and we succeeded. We were very successful in college. And so we have a strong belief in patience and not overworking a young athlete. And then of course, all the knowledge I have now from my field around physiologically what youth athletes need from a mental health perspective. So that has been really important in our parenting, being patient not over-training, not finding sport environments and coaches along the way that share that philosophy that we don’t want to burn our kids out early.
(10:59):
And we do see that within the sport world, even in the distance running community of kids that are running higher mileage and really bringing some intensity early on and they’re getting results, outcome results for that. But we see this as a sport. We want them, both my girls, we want them to be able to participate for the rest of their lives if they’d like to. So we’re looking at the long-term, at the long-term, and in that way we’ve had protection over them around especially around mileage and just how are they responding to it? Do they still like it? It’s really important that that piece is still a part of their experience because that’s what also is the biggest motivator.
Lexi Giblin (11:44):
Yeah. Sophia, what are your thoughts? Would you have wanted to go in more deeply into running year round or pushing harder earlier?
Sophia Bazzi (11:53):
Definitely not. I think I really liked having a lot of sports, playing a lot of sports when I was younger. And I think there’s a lot to be said about just doing different things, trying things out, and just the community aspect of that. I think honestly what got me into running was just the people and not the sport. And I wasn’t even that invested for the first year. I just really liked the people and I felt myself drawn back for that reason. And I think my love for the sport developed out of that. And I think I made a lot of my closest friends through sports as a child. So I think that specializing early would’ve limited a lot of that opportunity. And there’s so much time to specialize, especially with running, there’s not a lot of skills necessarily to learn. So I didn’t feel like I was at a disadvantage by only getting very serious about it once I went to high school. And I just think it gave me a more well-rounded perspective on sports in general. So I do not, I’m glad I didn’t specialize early. Okay.
Lexi Giblin (12:56):
Well, I love that you’re thinking about, it’s the relationships that mattered and sports are sort of an outgrowth of the connections you felt. Love that. And I feel that with in Eli’s experience as well, it’s the team that really is driving her interest in pushing. So I love that. What would you say has been both helpful and hard in the parent child interactions regarding sport?
Kara Bazzi (13:27):
You want me to start? Okay. I think I just start by talking about it through the lens of what I’ve seen clinically to start with and then I can share a little bit more personally clinically what I see from, especially through, we’ve talked about the rethinking exercise and sport process group that I’ve run weekly for 13 years. So I get to hear lots of stories. I get to hear a lot of different people’s lived experiences. And I would say some of the most challenging things I hear is when our clients talk about that parental pressure in sport and where it gets linked to achievement gets linked to worth or even when I will often hear that clients will say their parents made them do sports, at least be actively engaged. And I think there can be some tie to diet culture in that the sense of you have to be doing something, a sport to be moving.
(14:26):
And for some people that’s rooted in something really healthy. And for others that could be around weight management or a sense of competency because you’re involved in sport. So I think that I hear those stories, that’s a common pattern. And in that way, I think the question is who is this for? What is it that the actually want or need or what are their goals versus the parents’ wants or needs or goals? So I think that can be part of what is tricky in the parent and child interaction is like who wants it? Is it the parent that wants it or does the kid want it? I think the other challenge is managing time and schedule and all the things that come with sports, especially the year-round sports, the club sports on top of the high school sports for example, and all the time that takes and the travel that takes and figuring out when are they going to get nutrition.
(15:26):
And just the challenge of literally that scheduling aspect of it. And there’s the disparity around families that have the resources to do that and families that don’t. Another dynamic is parents over involvement or under involvement, parents that really get a lot of their own needs met through the sport and are highly involved. And then the ones that are never showing up to practices or to games or to competitions. And then the final dynamic I think is pretty alive is the failure piece. So kids like parents trying to protect their athletes or their kids from being distressed. And there’s a lot of distress that can come from sport, especially around performance and competition. And it’s just that whole dynamic with parents watching the heartbreak that their kids are going through and maybe wanting to help them avoid that versus all the lessons that can come in the hard parts.
(16:36):
So I think I would say those are the dynamics that are, I hear often from the clinical ends. And then personally, yes, all of the above. So I appreciate what Sophia said about pressure. I think David and I both have really, we really wanted Hannah and Sophia to decide what they wanted to do with their bodies, what they want to do with sport. We know obviously we both love the sport of running and we’re highly involved and gave them access to a lot of resources, but they ultimately needed to decide if they want it. And they get to choose every day. They get to choose every year if this is something they want to still be involved in. And Sophia particularly, I think shows she has the characteristics, in my opinion, of somebody who would be more drawn to working towards being a collegiate athlete, competitive, very internally driven.
(17:41):
And so I think that has both been very fun and hard. I’ll speak, my husband would his own opinions about this, but for me it’s been both fun and hard because I relate to her. I mean a lot of, I was very internally competitive as well. And so there’s a relatability between me and her in that. And there’s both the funness of understanding it, but then the hardness of going through with her and in the sense of just especially around her goals, what she wants, what she is hoping for, especially when we’re getting closer to that recruiting process and running in college, I think that is I can easily just have my empathy channel open. And so I felt there was a lot of feelings I was feeling alongside, but really wanting her to have her own experience and not just trying to strike a balance of being human in it as a mom, but then also letting her have her own experience. And for all of us parents, that’s a tough balance to hit really tough. And especially I think in the last two years has been particularly, again, just more salient with it getting closer to the college time.
Sophia Bazzi (19:04):
And I think I would say it’s been good in a lot of ways because you both do care a lot. I’d say on the spectrum of not involved to very involved. My parents are very involved in my sport journey, which has been great because in a lot of ways, because it’s a very strong support system, and I always know that they’re going to be there for me, they’re at every race, especially my dad being, at least my coach or the coach of our brother’s school is always at the meets. And mom always makes a point to go to all the meets. So I think it’s good to know that it’s some stability to know that that’s always a constant no matter how the race goes. So that’s been really great. But I do think it can be hard in some ways just because I know how much they care and I care so much as well.
(19:49):
So when things don’t go necessarily the way I want, I definitely have struggled with feeling like I’m disappointing them. And I know in some ways that that is an irrational fear and that they’re not disappointed by me, but because I’m disappointed in myself and I know how much they want me to succeed because they want me to be happy and to that’s what a parent wants for their kid is to succeed, even though that might not be the top priority. If I’m not succeeding in my mind, I feel like I get a strong sense of feeling like I’m disappointing them. And that’s very hard, and it can come with some shame or embarrassment. So it’s sometimes hard for me to separate that. And I would also say just because it doesn’t leave necessarily when I leave the track, the feelings are still there going home and things like that, it’s hard to separate it all. And I sometimes feel with a hard race or something that I just want to avoid all the feelings. And it’s hard to avoid the feelings when everyone has been there and knows what you experienced and wants to process with you. So I think that can be a little bit of a challenge.
Kara Bazzi (21:00):
One thing I would say this last track season, there’s been a lot of learning and a lot of different things that have been more challenging maybe around just not meeting some of the goals she wanted to meet. And one of the things that I feel like this could be good to share because it would probably be relevant to listeners, is one of the things that was good learning was asking Sophia how she felt. I think it gets easy to make assumptions of, oh no, Sophia’s going to feel X, Y, and Z after this race. And just trying to really suspend that and wait to see actually how she felt. What was her assessment, what did she feel about, how did she feel about how it all went? So to really try to suspend my own assumptions and not project what I might think she feels, but really just ask her and start with questions. And of course if she doesn’t want to engage in questions right away, that’s fine, but what was that like for you? What are you experiencing? What do you feel proud of? What do you feel was hard? So much better to go that direction than just assuming certain things about how she was going to feel about at the end of the race?
(22:13):
I was very intentional about that,
Lexi Giblin (22:16):
Not jumping to conclusions. And a lot of times, I think Kara, I think you’ve said this before, it’s when your kid is distressed about their sports performance, that’s hard as a parent, that’s very different than being distressed because of their performance.
Kara Bazzi (22:34):
Exactly.
Lexi Giblin (22:36):
And it’s sort of like you said, the empathy channel is wide open. And so that feeling, the feeling of what they’re feeling is more of what I connect to about it being hard to be a parent of an athlete. It feels like you’re out there with them because you’re close to them and their experience. And so I am with you that feeling of like, oh, she’s fine about it. Okay, great. Moving on.
Kara Bazzi (23:04):
Yes, a hundred percent. Yeah.
Lexi Giblin (23:07):
Say more about what it’s been like to have a parent as a coach. The good and the heart mean. So you’re living with your coach. What has this been like?
Sophia Bazzi (23:19):
I mean, I think in a lot of ways it has been good. I trust him so much, especially with my dad being my head track coach this year. I trust him so much. I know that he has my best interest at heart and that trust is already built. And with my mom too, being the assistant coach for cross country that they want what’s best for you. So it’s easy to know. I trust the race plan, I trust all that, and just to know that they’re always going to support me and all that is really great. But I think the big challenge this year has been separating the coach from the parent and when are we in that dynamic versus when we’re in the other dynamic? And I think it’s been hard to separate at home, especially with my dad. I just think we talk about it so much.
(24:07):
There was a time where I was like, this is just too much. Because we would talk about it at the track, we’d talk about it at home, and that was coming from me and him and my mom too. It was just hard to separate. So I think we really needed to work on when we were communicating about track and when we tried to take a step back from that and also be just a parent and a kid that is not completely separate from the racing and the sport. And I think we really worked on that and made it a lot better through only we would teams message on Microsoft teams about track. And then when we would text, it wouldn’t be about track. And when I got home, if I didn’t want to talk about track, we wouldn’t talk about track. It just is hard, especially when things aren’t going my way. If I had a tough workout or a tough race, it’s like I just need some time where I’m not a track athlete. And our dynamic doesn’t need to include that because it hasn’t. And it’s not only that. So I think that that was just an important balance to strike because it would get pretty overwhelming when I felt like I couldn’t escape the feelings of the track season and what was going on. And I just liked to have some separation with that.
Kara Bazzi (25:18):
I mean, the only thing I would say, I had this brief high school coaching experience in the fall as an assistant, and I just think the world of Sophia’s coaches that I was working with, I loved getting that opportunity. And I think what was cool is I’ve been around coaches my whole life. I’m married one, but to have, I’m going to keep going back to empathy, I guess, to have the actual experience of a high school coach, especially female high school coach, just gave me so much insight into that life and that world. And I love coaches. I think especially in that high school world, there’s so much care for these athletes, and I got to see how tough it is. The timing of practice for a lot of these coaches, especially female coaches, they’re leaving their family to go coach and they’re navigating parenting and their other job and coaching, and you’re putting in a ton of hours as a coach and you don’t get paid much.
(26:27):
You put in a ton of hours. At least in this sport, you don’t. And so the care for the athlete is so visible and visceral, and then I got to be a part of it, and I love my kids immensely. And then I just got to love the whole team. It was like my heart got opened to caring and loving for this whole group of people. So it was neat to really get to have that felt experience of what a high school coach goes through. And then of course, I got as a parent, then I got more access to my kids with them. So a lot of the coaches are leaving their families and their kids, but as a parent coach, you’re getting to be with your kids more. And I think we did a pretty good job. I checked in with the kids quite often about how I was showing up and trying to not try to hide the fact that I’m their mom, I am their mom. And trying to be also just cognizant of how do I not deny that identity, but also be a coach and be there for all the rest of the team and just kind of love on everybody. So I think I struck that balance pretty well. I dunno, Sophia, if you,
Sophia Bazzi (27:43):
I think you did. Yeah. Yeah. I think especially in the cross country season, I think the emotions are heightened in all ways when it’s like you’re the parent and the coach because you care deeply as a parent and you care deeply as a coach. So the highs are higher and the lows are lower, maybe a little bit. But I think we got a lot of that really good experiences I think in cross country especially. There was a moment when my dad’s team qualified for state for the first time and it was that he’s been there and it was just so exciting and we were all there to together and could just feel that excitement as a family. And I think that was really special. We’re all there together. This is now we joke, it’s like a family. We’re all doing this as a family coaching and all that and being the athletes. So
Kara Bazzi (28:29):
It was exciting. He was coaching the boys team at the district meet, and then I was coaching Sophia and Hannah’s team at the district meet, and both teams qualified for state on the same day. And it was just one of those,
Lexi Giblin (28:43):
I was there Pinnacle. Yeah, you were there. That was a moment you were there. That was a moment. Was a moment. It was very, one of those brings tears to your eyes even though I’m outside of it. It was awesome. Awesome. Okay. Kara is obviously an eating disorder treatment expert. And what is it like to be raised by a mom who is deeply concerned about eating disorders and coming from a non-diet, weight inclusive approach?
Sophia Bazzi (29:19):
Yeah, I think it’s been great. I think that is one of the things where I’ve felt really supported and knowing that think in some ways it’s a healthy balance of support. It’s like we’re trying to support you as an athlete and a person, but nothing in a way that would put your body in an unhealthy position or try and force results through something that really isn’t going to benefit you in the long run. So I think it was really, it’s so great to know that my parents are teaching me to look at a long-term approach and approach that’s the best, that’s looking at me as a person before being an athlete. And I think that that’s just contributed to me feeling really safe and supported with my family in the sport. And I also think it’s just taught me to be aware, I think in the recruiting process, especially of where the red flags are, and just to know what I need to be expecting and what a team culture should be like and what is not okay. And it helped me a lot in that process. And also even with my high school team, just being aware of things that maybe I were not the most healthy. And to be able to internalize that work on talking to the coach and trying to make changes to the culture to support all the athletes. And I think that that’s been good to be able to recognize when people are saying things or internalizing things that maybe are not the best for them as an athlete. So
Kara Bazzi (30:55):
Do you want to give an example?
Sophia Bazzi (30:57):
Well, yeah, sure. I had a teammate a couple years ago saying that they had lost their period and they were like, it’s so great. I’m not bleeding anymore. It’s so convenient or whatever. And even the assistant coaches were like, that’s so great. I wish I could lose my period. That’d be so nice. Just no, not the hassle basically. And I kind of immediately was able to clock that as like, oh, that is not the best thing that that’s not going to be healthy in the long term. And that was something I was able to recognize, talk to my mom about and be like, okay. And trying to, without obviously exposing anyone or anything, talk to the coach and be like, Hey, I noticed this. I don’t think that this is something especially that the coaches should be supporting. I think that we maybe could have a conversation about why it’s important to have our period and just kind of raise awareness around that because that really concerned me for that person. I was wanting to make sure that she was doing what was right for her body. And also making sure that the team knows that isn’t maybe the right thing for anyone in the longterm. And just making sure that that’s not a part of the culture that we’re accepting, that we’re having conversations and knowing that that isn’t okay, and that we can know that we want better for ourselves.
Lexi Giblin (32:16):
Yeah, it sounds like you’re a real leader around those issues, and I know you run the body image groove at your school. Yes, yes, I do. Yeah. Very cool. Well, tell me about a moment that stands out between the two of you in your sport experience
Sophia Bazzi (32:34):
Together. I can go first. I don’t think you’re going to expect this one. Maybe. I said a track race at the Easton Track race in my sophomore year. I honestly don’t even remember how the race really went. I just know I was really disappointed with it. I think I was racing the mile and I think I was in a good position and kind of got passed by a lot of people at the end wasn’t feeling the best about it. But I think what really struck me about that wasn’t the performance, but my reaction to it afterwards. I think I was very, very, very upset. I wanted to quit. That was probably the most negative, strong, negative reaction I’ve had to erase in my high school career, which is kind of funny to think about now because I’ve had so many performances that might be considered objectively worse.
(33:24):
But I think I’ve been able to work a lot on my mental game and how I react to things and just my sense of worth. But I think at that time, my sense of worth was tied to performance a lot more and my performance, especially before that being a freshman, it’s my first time really being serious with the sport. I’ve been getting better, better, better, better. So I think that was my first time really having to deal with and cope with what happens when you don’t have the performance that you want. And I just remember being distraught. I was so upset and I was in the car with my mom and we just talked for, because it was kind of far away, we had to drive home. We were talking for probably an hour, and I was just kind of ranting and ranting and ranting.
(34:05):
And I think just what stood out to me was just how she listened to me and really just supported me in that moment and didn’t try and maybe necessarily make me feel better almost just being there and hearing me. And I think I just really needed to get that out. And so just having the space to do that and just feeling safe to literally say everything I wasn’t holding back. I was very, very upset. And just to have that space and then just to say the things that you just said, the right things, just saying the things that made me feel better and knowing, giving the perspective of this is not life or death. You are not defined by your performance. You’re not defined by your identity as an athlete and you’re like a person first. And that I think really helped me start the journey of working on my perspective as an athlete and my mental game and knowing that my performances don’t define me. And I think that sticks out in my mind as one of the starting points for that. And that wouldn’t have been possible if there wasn’t someone who was willing to just listen to me. And also because she has been through all of that, I think it just gives it more credibility in some ways. I was like, okay, if you can do it, I can do it. It’s just having that support from someone who’s been through that in the same sport that just really felt special. So
Kara Bazzi (35:30):
Oh, it’s really sweet. So I remember that car ride. I do. And it’s cool to hear you name that as the most meaningful moment because it was kind of more of your original moment of really kind of having to navigate that because we’ve navigated more of those moments this last track season, your senior year. So it’s neat to hear that one was more poignant. It was more of where it really, that work opened up for you.
Sophia Bazzi (35:59):
Yeah, because had a lot of experiences this year that have been very hard performances, but I think I’ve been able to handle it a lot better. It doesn’t get me down in the same way that it used to. So I think that that has been really cool to see of, yes, you can have bad performances, but it’s not going to hit me the same way anymore. And that was a lot of what makes me feel a lot more secure going into college and not knowing, I mean, I didn’t end my season on a good note at all, but I feel a lot of hope for the future, and I’m not super worried because I think I can handle it and I know what is really important to me, and it’s not necessarily just the performance anymore. So
Kara Bazzi (36:43):
Cool. My gosh. Wow, that’s so awesome too, because here you go, growth from a generational growth. My collegiate experience was my worth was, I mean, this is what she’s saying about how I could understand my worth was tied in my performance, and I remember crying after every poor performance and I didn’t approach performances. You have this past track season, so it’s just so cool to see the development you’ve had and get to see how you’re now doing something very different from me. It’s really awesome. My gosh. Okay, well, my meaningful story moment, I’m taking that,
Lexi Giblin (37:25):
Is it right now? Maybe.
Kara Bazzi (37:26):
Yeah, maybe. That is amazing. Sophia. Oh my gosh. Sometimes I’m like, wow, you’re so much more mature than me. I love it. You’re so awesome. But I had a really meaningful sport moment this track season, and maybe this is the recency bias because this is so recent, but Sophia has had an up and down season this track season in terms of performance. In terms of performance and the things that she’s, these responses and how she’s shown up have just blown me away. So this is another moment that actually Lexi was present for. So in our league, for those that don’t, I dunno, for different people listening from different sports, it was kind of our postseason experience of metro’s district and state. So this is the metro meet, qualifying meet for districts, and Sophia was coming into this sick, she had something happened over spring break and it kind of turned into this respiratory thing.
(38:34):
Horrible, horrible, horrible cough and just feeling really bad physically, really, really bad physically and track is a vulnerable sport for any of you that have done it. It’s very, you’re on display, you’re going around this oval track and everyone’s watching you, and she’s not feeling her best. She’s a senior, this is her senior season, everyone knows her. She’s on display and here she’s feeling vulnerable, sick, kind of awful, and not sure what her body’s going to do. And I think a little bit more scared of, is my body going to betray me in this race? And she had a doctor’s note to be ready to scratch her out of the meat if she needed to out of this race. And I remember being tearful as I’m seeing her on the infield, I don’t have much access because she’s on the infield warming up, and I’m not sure if she’s going to scratch till the very end.
(39:36):
And I’m tearful just like the vulnerability of her having to be out there and that decision. And then I see that she decides to race, and I think I was crying the entire race, Lexi, right, of the brave bravery of, and we will have maybe something to say this next question too, but the bravery in that moment of going out there and the vulnerable just showing up to being in this very vulnerable thing. And I just felt so connected to her and I connected because of vulnerable, I think of R-O-D-B-T. It was like a vulnerable decision, and that made me feel so connected to her no matter what her outcome was going to be in that race, it didn’t matter. It’s like she did something vulnerable and she did it in front of her community. And I had Lexi by my side, her coaches that just care deeply about her as a human being. I mean, the sense of closeness of my girl is a brave girl was just really meaningful. And then getting to celebrate that with her, again, not the outcome of the race, but just kind of recognizing what it means to show up to the line and what it means to be in this sport. It is an intimidating, vulnerable sport.
Sophia Bazzi (41:07):
Yeah, I think showing up this year was especially hard because of all the, I was not feeling well for a long time and I would feel pretty sick or very fatigued going into most of my races. And I think we’ve been to some talks recently, some sports talks, me and my mom. And I think one of the things that really stood out to me is the most brave thing to do is just getting to the start line. It’s not even your result, how you finish, but it’s just not, the start line is more impressive than the finish line in some ways because it can be sometimes you’re overcoming a lot just to even get there. And it is very vulnerable to put yourself out there even knowing that you might not have the performance that you want. So that’s been
Lexi Giblin (41:49):
Cool. Yeah, what a special moment. And it was, I mean, just to watch you Sophia, but then to watch your mom connect to you about that and that moment was really beautiful and for all these reasons of bravery. Yeah. Yeah. What about heartbreaking moments this season?
Sophia Bazzi (42:12):
I can go first. Yeah. I think the most heartbreaking moment this season was the district smile that I raced in. And that was the first race that I dropped out of ever. And I think that was really hard for me in a lot of ways because I had always told myself, I’ll never drop out of a race. That is one thing I can control. I’m not going to let myself quit. It felt like quitting, and I really don’t like that as an idea. I always want to do my best and always stick it out. But I think that that was a really big learning experience for me because I had felt so terrible going into that. And that was more of a mental thing. I was dealing with a lot. There was a lot going on. I was going through all my graduation things. It was the most stressful weekend that I’ve had in a really long time, and I just felt really trapped and really panicked, and I was like, I don’t know what I’m doing here.
(43:03):
I don’t want to do this. I felt like I was being forced into it almost, which is funny because no one was forcing me to do it, but by myself almost. And I was just in that race and I was like, this is not serving me. I am not, there’s not nothing good is coming out of this for me. And I just made the decision to step off the track. I wasn’t injured per se, so it wasn’t like it was necessary, but I just stepped off the track and I felt really, really, really disappointed with myself. I think that was the most disappointed with myself that I had felt in a while because I’d always told myself I would finish and I felt like I was breaking a promise to myself or something like that. But I think that what stood out to me after that with more perspective is just that is also a brave decision in its own way to step off and not finish a race.
(43:56):
And I think that I was making a decision that I needed to make in that moment because I was so, I just needed to know that I had some autonomy in that situation to make the own decision and to make a decision that benefited me as a person and not maybe as a competitor necessarily. And just to make space for myself when I need it. And yeah, that was a moment where I treated myself as a person who had a need to take a break versus an athlete who needed to make it to state. So I think that that was powerful in its own way. And I don’t want to drop out of many races in the future. I think that’s still something that I’m really going to work on not doing. But I think in that moment it made sense for me and I was able to accept that. And I think that was just powerful because I didn’t think I would be able to accept a decision like that in the past.
Kara Bazzi (44:49):
Yeah. Wow. I mean, that was a moment. That’s my same answer for that one. It was learning for our family. I think public learning for, honestly, this sounds maybe dramatic, but for the running community, you choosing that and if people have the opportunity to hear that from you is a really powerful decision you made. I’m tearing up right now. It’s a very powerful decision because you can choose autonomy. You’re not forced into this. And so many athletes have these rules, I have to do this, or at least control the controllables. I will finish this thing even if my performance is bad. And I think it wasn’t out of pride. It was a decision that you were making for your mental wellness and what was best for you as a person. And if people and listeners can know that, I just think that, again, it opens up the door for whole person athlete decisions. It makes me think of, I mean, I know you’re not in the level of Simone Biles, but it makes me think of what Simone Biles did too, of choosing not to go into that competition in the Olympics. That there is some ways of choosing no, that is coming from bravery and not from fear, from shame.
Lexi Giblin (46:23):
That’s beautiful. One last question. Where are you running next year?
Sophia Bazzi (46:29):
I’m running at Gonzaga.
Lexi Giblin (46:31):
All right, go. Zs
Sophia Bazzi (46:33):
GOs.
Lexi Giblin (46:36):
Thank you to Jack Straw Cultural Center for Sound Engineering. Thanks to Aaron Davidson for the Appetite’s original music, and to David Bozi for editing. If you want to learn more about opal’s programming, go to opal food and body.com. Until next time.
