Vacation Reflection

One of the biggest gifts of vacation is something that I usually stumble upon rather than something I’ve intentionally planned for: space for contemplation/reflection. The second day of a recent family vacation, I experienced both a simple and profound moment of reflection while going on a run in the cliffs overlooking Shipwreck Beach in Kauai. Gratefully, I listened and paid attention to these reflections: 1) Many Paths: These trails in the cliffs were unmatched in beauty– in my many runs over the course of my life, I have never seen this magnitude of beauty in nature. What I kept noticing, however, was the many paths that one could choose to go on that ultimately headed in the same direction. No fear of getting lost, it was a liberating adventure to choose whatever path I wanted to take, knowing that I would land at the same end point. What a parallel to eating disorder recovery!! Even with our best clinical judgments about appropriate level of care, fit of treatment center/provider, there is a mysterious and complicated process of treatment that brings grace and challenge to the notion of “one blueprint” to becoming recovered. Both in my personal recovery journey and now being recovered and treating others, I find this belief of many paths truly liberating (and a good check to us providers being the “savior”!) 2) Power & Peace: Seeing the massive waves crash against the cliff rocks juxtaposed with the quiet, serene sand, foliage and land life, I am reminded of the many opposite truths we hold in a recovery process: acceptance and change, vulnerability and strength, mystery and certainty. We are asked to live in a such a way that encompasses more than black & white, narrow thinking. 3) Hope: I also reflected on the celebration of enjoying and taking in the pleasure of the “most beautiful run in the world!” Back in my eating disorder, my mind would have been limited to fixating on a couple of things: my time, pace, and how this run would serve my performance goals. The world of running is now much larger and more pleasurable. I could speed up, slow down, stop, soak in the beauty, take a picture, pay attention to what I want to attend to, “lose” myself in the moment…what a gift! I am filled with hope and wonder for all of those whom I hold deep care for who are currently struggling with food, exercise and body concerns that they will find their way through the “many paths” to the eventual destination of freedom, living in the ‘gray’ of life’s complications and take in the wonder and pleasure of movement and inhabiting our incredible bodies.