Part 3 of a 3 part series: “Creating Social Change in the Sport World” Episode 3: Power of Sharing Your Recovery Journey– Most people who struggle with disordered eating or an eating disorder grapple with how much and to whom they share their struggle with. Amelia Boone, a world class obstacle racer and ultrarunner, is no exception. Amelia talks about her “why” of sharing vulnerably and openly about her recovery journey with an eating disorder to her social media community. Listen as Kara Bazzi, co-founder and Clinical Director of Opal, and Amelia talk about the risks and rewards of sharing your story, both in the public and private domains. They explore how to discern when to speak up and when to set personal boundaries in service of your recovery. To get to know Amelia more:
http://www.ameliabooneracing.com/
@arboone11
Connect with Opal:
Thank you to our team…
Editing by David Bazzi
Music by Aaron Davidson: https://soundcloud.com/diet75/
Transcription on Rev.com
Amelia Boone (00:11):
Hello and welcome to the Appetite, a podcast brought to you by Opal Food and Body Wisdom. I’m Kara Bazzi, a licensed marriage and family therapist, co-founder and clinical director of Opal, as well as the head of the Exercise and Sport program. The appetite is about all things food, body, sport, and mental health. Today I’m honored and delighted to be having a conversation with Amelia Boone, a corporate attorney and decorated athlete in obstacle racing and ultra running. To me, however, Amelia is so much more than her impressive accomplishments. I had the great privilege of getting to know her through her stint of eating disorder treatment at Opal, which means I got to know her on a much deeper level, her inner workings as she bravely pursued the tough and uncomfortable work of recovery. So this is a particularly special episode to be able to interview Amelia and use this podcast platform to have an honest conversation together.
(01:11):
For those of you who don’t know Amelia, she’s very active in the social media world, in the intersection of sports. She has a big falling, and I totally get it. She’s candid, she’s honest about her ups and downs as an athlete, as well as giving voice to contribute to the eating disorder recovery conversations. And when she was at Opal, one of the conversations we had was trying to figure out how open she wanted to be about her eating disorder, especially on these public platforms, given that she was in the process of recovery herself and still struggling. And I remember really appreciating those conversations we have and knowing it’s complicated and there isn’t a right answer of trying to figure out that balance of both taking care of yourself, your own recovery, and then also giving to others and giving back to communities. So although there are many things Amelia could talk about, I thought this would be a good conversation to center around advocacy work or helping other people when the thing we are advocating for or educating or supporting others is related to something we’ve personally struggled with. So my hope is that this is relatable to all of us exploring how do we know what we need, whether that’s to set boundaries, take a step back from conversations with others or move towards and speak up. So here we go to start. Amelia, welcome. And why don’t you start to share. We’ll begin with you sharing a bit about your recovery journey and where you are today, just so the listeners can get to know you a bit.
(02:47):
Yeah, hi, Kara and I teared up a little bit of that introduction because it takes me back to all my days at Opal. And yeah, it was actually about three years ago that I came to Opal for treatment and it wasn’t my first rodeo in treatment. I definitely have struggled for a long time with a eating disorder, and I was first diagnosed when I was 16 years old. And I think for me, when I came to Opal, I was 35 and I told myself, I’m too old for this. I shouldn’t be here. But it was something that I know that I needed to address, and it had been amplified by being an athlete and being a competitive athlete and actually being in the public eye, a lot of focus around my body. I started to really not know if I could untangle my eating disorder from sport, if I could engage in sport and running and things I love to do in a healthy manner.
(03:56):
And so at the age of 35, I decided to come to Opal and I spent about three months with you all there in Seattle. And I remember the first two weeks just being like, I don’t want to be here. Get me out of here. I don’t belong here. And I’m sure that so many people have that experience as well. And so yeah, almost now about three years later, I am still on my journey every single day. And I would say overall doing really well, there have been ups and downs. The pandemic has been a very tough time in terms of continuing on that journey. But I believe that I am in a good place now, though I will, by no means say I am recovered with an ED at the end. I do believe that this is an ongoing process for me, and it doesn’t, that 20 years of a disorder isn’t going to disappear very quickly. So that’s the journey that I’m on.
Kara Bazzi (05:01):
And also, I guess to this, because of where we’re bringing this conversation, maybe share a bit more about how you decided to get actively engaged in social media and maybe other ways that you’ve brought your inner experience or your recovery journey to others. What brought about making those decisions? And we’ll get more into that as we get into this conversation, but maybe just the beginning of that. Yeah, what went into that?
Amelia Boone (05:37):
Yeah, so I actually, I think even when I was there at Opal, I remember discussing with you, can I talk about this publicly? If I talk about it publicly, I can’t unring that bell. And especially as somebody who’s an athlete, what would that do and how would people see me differently? Would people treat me differently? Would people have all eyes on me while I’m eating dinner with them and they’re just picking apart? And I think that that weighed in my head, but I honestly had this very strange cognitive dissonance for the past 20 years of my life, which was that all of these people saw me as this incredible world champion athlete and who was extremely in shape. And I would get a lot of comments on how great my body was. And internally I knew everything that I was doing was so disordered and was just not healthy.
(06:32):
And that tore me apart inside. And the fact that my outer world wasn’t matching what was going on in my inner world. And so it was very important for me. One of my values is really transparency and honesty. And so I decided to, a few weeks after I left Opal, I wrote a blog post. Yes, some people still blog about my experience and about hiding this. And the fact that I realized the reason I had had six stress fractures in the past three years was because I wasn’t feeding myself appropriately. And it gained a lot of attention. And outside magazine published it and people started being like, me too. And people started being able to relate. And so I think I was nervous. I was nervous of the response, and I was also nervous, does this pigeonhole me into the girl with the evening disorder?
(07:40):
And I didn’t really want to be that. I wanted to be able to talk on various things, but I also was very passionate about this. And the more I think that I opened up, the more that I realized what a big problem this is and how many people do struggle. And I was so ashamed for 20 years, I thought it was an awful thing. I was told by many people that I could never find a partner because I struggled with this or I was always going to be kind of odd, or I was the person with a mental illness, and I just wanted to take away that shame because for me, that shame kind of thrives when you keep it inside. And so I decided to bring it outside into the world.
Kara Bazzi (08:27):
So it sounds like it really, I mean it started for yourself of breaking down that cognitive dissonance between what the world saw of you and what all of again was going on inside, which is I think very relatable to folks with eating disorders is sort of that almost hidden struggle of a lot of people in their life not knowing what’s going on and the impact that has on oneself to have that dissonance. And so it sounds like that was the motivation at the start of treading into that territory. But in doing so, then it sounds like a lot of folks were connecting with you. And I guess that makes me just get curious around the role of it being for your own self and to feel more integrated as a person, as well as then seeing what you were offering to other people and the power that was having for other people to be able to be more open and share their struggle. And I guess, yeah, where does that, I want to hear more about that, of both of those parts of it being present.
Amelia Boone (09:35):
Yeah, and it’s such a good question because I actually, it’s not like I ever set out to inspire anyone or to change the conversation. I think for me it was honestly, and I think I told people at this time, it was actually kind of a selfish motivation because I wanted to feel integrated as a whole person. And I think to this day still, when I talk about it is very much talking about it from a perspective of these are things that I am trying to figure out and these are things that I am learning and this is my journey along the way. And what I found is that the side effect of that is that it actually speaks to people and helps people that these things that are going on in my head are not strange one-offs that I thought I was alone in forever and ever and ever. And so being able for me to then write about them and speak about them, and a lot of what I have talked about is actually how do I untangle sport with the disorder and can I untangle it? And I think that that’s the message that has really resonated with a lot of people because people don’t know. They don’t know the question, is what I’m doing disordered? Is what I am doing healthy? Am I just being an athlete?
(10:56):
And so through these conversations in my head, it’s been things that other people have been able to relate to and honestly, I mean, which is phenomenal. At the same time, I do realize I open myself, when you speak into the public, you open yourself up to criticism and 99%, I get a lot of positive feedback from people and being able to connect at the same time. I do have a few people who question what I’m doing or why I am doing it. And I think that that’s a fear that is very real. When you decide to speak up about something to share your experience, all of a sudden your life becomes fodder for people to comment on.
Kara Bazzi (11:41):
Totally.
Amelia Boone (11:42):
And so I think it’s something that I’ve had to struggle with. Am I emotionally stable enough to share those parts of myself and withstand that? For sure.
Kara Bazzi (11:53):
And what have you learned about that in terms of how to discern that? Or is that an ongoing, I imagine that’s probably an ongoing journey of what I hear is the risk reward aspect of you can see maybe a lot of reward for your own self. You can see the reward of folks that are connecting to you and being more honest, but the risks involved in that are opening yourself up to criticism. I’m imagining there might be other risks, but maybe how do you navigate that risk reward or because it’s also not predictable, I imagine, as we all know with social media, of when criticism might come your way.
Amelia Boone (12:36):
And I think for me, I kind of navigate, it’s like how tender is a subject in the moment. If it’s something that if I realize by me speaking on it is just going to catapult me into a small relapse or flare the thoughts or something like that, then it’s probably not the right time. There is a reason that I waited until I got out of treatment at Opal to write about it, to speak about it, because in that moment while I was there, I was not capable of actually even reflecting on it or understanding what was going on or where I was going with this. And for me, the reward has always been, I suppose anyone who’s been in a process group with me knows that I externally process everything. That is just how I am able to make sense of the world is by speaking it is by putting it out there. And in that regard, feeling less alone. And so for me to be able to share an experience with someone, and I’ve made a lot of connections by speaking about this, knowing that I’m not alone in it and having people who see me and understand me outweighs the few people who decide that they are able to say whatever they want in, comment on whatever they want and say mean things that I won’t repeat right now. Sure, totally.
(14:10):
So you always have to remember that there’s always one person on the internet who’s just going to ruin it for you.
Kara Bazzi (14:17):
Yeah, man. Yeah. Well, and it’s interesting. The other risk I felt curious about is how would I put this? Do you feel like you can be right where you’re at? Or do you in your struggle, in your questioning, in your processing, or do you feel like because of what others, the inspiration people are pulling from you? Or do you feel some sort of pressure to be farther than you are or that you have figured it out more than you actually have? It makes me think of how often it’s when you start to see the impact you can make in another person’s life, then it starts to enter into maybe into the realm of at sometimes feeling like a hypocrite or imposter, or can I be helpful for this person if I’m still struggling? So I guess, yeah, I just feel curious around that part of it for you as well of is it challenging to stay just right where you’re at in your own process with getting all this input from others?
Amelia Boone (15:24):
Yeah, that’s a really good question. And right now actually, and honestly through all of this, I have not felt that I know previously. So when I was in high school and I went to college and I thought that I had gone through treatment in high school and I thought, I am recovered, I have beaten the eating disorder. And I remember speaking to my sorority in college and telling everybody that that was in my past and you can beat an eating disorder too, et cetera, et cetera. And then the next year I relapsed hard, hard and it was awful. And then I was ashamed about the fact that I had proclaimed I was this recovered girl, and then look at me. I then was almost kicked out of school and I had to go to residential treatment again. And so for me, it’s actually an ego check to be very, very honest about where I am.
(16:15):
And I also remember in deciding to go back into treatment, I would look around for people who talked about their experiences in eating disorder recovery. And every person I could find always talked about it as they are recovered that, oh, I used to have a problem and I got therapy, and now my life is so phenomenal because I am recovered. And I never saw voices that were like, I am struggling through this right now and this is what I’m going through, and it’s not perfect. And I think for me, it felt right to be very like, these are the ups and the downs and the things that I am figuring out. I never wanted to be the person that was like, I have it all figured out. I don’t know about you, but I personally don’t trust people who tell me that they have everything figured out. They definitely don’t.
Kara Bazzi (17:08):
Which is interesting though, Amelia, because, and we can be candid here, that was part of the dialogue you and I had while you were in Opal, and the personal experience I brought to you was different than yours. So I certainly don’t have everything figured out in life. There’s certainly a lot of struggles, but I do consider myself recovered from an eating disorder. And I didn’t go public with, I didn’t do public talks, I didn’t do anything public with some of my advocacy work until I actually did consider myself in that kind of recovered spot. And so I know that was part of, as we were discussing that, that was part of the, well, some of the risk and experimentation with this of I didn’t have my own experience to reflect back. And I’m sure you had some feelings even towards me in that of I am one of those people that has been more open about it after feeling recovered. And I want to make clear, again, that doesn’t mean that my life is all put together, but certainly from that eating disorder perspective, feeling like I wasn’t in a spot of still struggling when I became more public. So
Amelia Boone (18:26):
Anyhow, and I fully respect that because I also, maybe there’s a part of me, if I’m completely honest, that I’m a little bit jealous of people who say that they’re fully recovered because I’m not there yet and I don’t really know what full recovery looks like. And I don’t know, maybe I am, I don’t know how you define recovery, which is hard because for me, I’m at this phase now where there are little voices sometimes in the back of my head that chirp at me, but I’m able to say, no, not listening to you go away doing other things, but it is still a very conscious decision on my part to continue to engage in recovery.
(19:09):
I always thought, for me, I considered recovery would be the voices would be plucked out of my head. I would never hear anything about, oh, maybe we shouldn’t eat that. And that they would just, it was like somebody would do a lobotomy and take ’em out of me. And I have not found that to be the case. They’re much, much quieter. They’re much, it’s not all encompassing in my life. And I’m like, maybe if I just keep chipping away and keep going then that direction, then at some point I’m like, oh, it’s been several months and I don’t hear it. Sure. So it is just part of that process, and I also want to say for many people, and probably yourself too, is that it is a phenomenal thing to keep the recovery process to yourself, to hold it to yourself, to get to that place. Because a lot of people, that’s how they process the world is not by talking to hundreds of thousands of people on the other side. And that is completely fine. It may actually be easier that way. I don’t know.
Kara Bazzi (20:17):
Well, and most people don’t have that huge falling, and it is, I think the relatable piece for most of us is where are we putting ourselves out there? So for me, where I relate to this is earlier in my recovery, when I decided to go into this field, I remember I was going to get engaged with a eating disorder recovery support group when I was in graduate school. And at that point I would not have said I was fully recovered. I was in a good spot, but I didn’t know. I knew I thought I wanted to help folks that had eating disorders, but I didn’t know. And I had that feeling of being maybe a hypocrite or imposter, and I didn’t know what that would do for my own recovery process to be supporting folks in that way. And it was a risk, it was risk to get involved in that group, but it felt like an important risk because there was at least a really large part of me that knew I wanted to go into this field and help people like me, and yet I didn’t actually know how that would go.
(21:22):
And so it felt like this experimentation, and what I found in doing that is it wasn’t something that was actually consistently setting me back. It was bolstering and if anything bolstering my recovery, but I didn’t know that that would be the case. I had to do it to find out. I guess that’s the part in my journey that I was tenuous around was entering the field of treatment of eating disorder. So I guess maybe that’s in some ways that whole risk reward. How do we listen to ourselves and be honest with ourselves about what are we doing to put in that vein of helping others and how do we keep ourselves in check with ourselves in that too? Yeah,
Amelia Boone (22:10):
And I actually remember a process group at Opal where I think we were discussing it was around the holiday or how to function over the holidays with family members who may say things and should you advocate, where are you on that scale? And I remember at one point saying, and this is something I still think about for myself every single day when I decide whether to engage is there is a time to advocate, there’s a time to educate, and there is a time simply to take yourself out of the situation just to leave, just to say, this is not something that I’m able to engage in right now. And set that boundary and care for yourself in that way. And I think that that’s an ongoing question that I ask myself all the time is where am I in that process? And it can change day to day. I think some days that I need to just say, this is a boundary that I need to set today. This is not good for my own mental health to be engaging in these conversations or to be advocating. And so I’m just going to take a step back.
(23:29):
And then there are other times where I feel like very passionate and I want to advocate today. And I think it’s just kind of listening to yourself of what feels good in those moments.
Kara Bazzi (23:40):
Yeah. And you said earlier one of the questions is how tender is the subject in the moment? I feel curious if there’s particulars around this, around emotions that you might be tracking, sensations that you might be thinking about, thoughts you might be kind of tracking of when you get to those decision moments of like, do I take a step back? Do I exit this situation? Do I take the break or do I move towards, and I appreciate your saying, the conversation that got brought up around family members, because again, I think the relatability of this, the relatability is there I think for all of our listeners around when do we step in and when do we take a backseat? So yeah, I just feel curious if you have anything more around specifics that you think of that help guide you, so to speak.
Amelia Boone (24:33):
Yeah, I really pay attention to, and this is going to be funny for anybody who knows me, they know that I for a very long time was not in touch with my body feelings. I thought a lot, it was always thinking, but now I’m very good at paying attention to almost bodily sensations, is that little fight or flight response that comes up in me. And if I start feeling that I’m getting to a place of hyperstimulation and fight or flight, then I realized that is actually probably not a good scenario for me to engage, that it’s something that is a little bit too tender that if I can’t calmly and think through it than a scenario that is probably not healthy for me in the moment.
Kara Bazzi (25:24):
I love that. I love hearing that there’s some word development of the checking in with your body. That’s awesome. That’s cool. I love it. And I think it’s also important to say we are not going to be perfect at this either. A lot of it is experimentation of making a choice that actually ends up not feeling good in the end and learning from that. Because as we start to even just pay attention to ourselves with making those decisions, there’s a lot of mess up. And I think that’s also just as somebody who has more of the orientation towards perfectionism, I think it’s important to say that there’s a lot of mess ups with learning, with having more learning in that around discerning when to advocate and when to step back.
Amelia Boone (26:17):
Yeah, absolutely. And I think that in a way I’ve also realized that it’s easier for me to do it kind of on a platform like social media versus in person sometimes because I think that I am overly aware of other people’s feelings and emotions when I’m there with them. And it’s also easier for me to be triggered when I am there in person with somebody who in particular I think, or who is struggling or something like that. And I may be trying to help in those scenarios. So I realized for me, that may be a step that I’m not super capable of still. But it’s also, I think a lot of people who are in recovery would like to advocate and would like to be a part of this, but it’s like, okay, well how can I do that while still protecting my own recovery, while not triggering myself in those scenarios?
Kara Bazzi (27:17):
Right. Yeah, I appreciate you saying that. I think it makes a lot of sense that one of the benefits of social media is less stimulus because in person, you’re having to react to the person in the moment and that all of that is a lot less in our control around how the other person’s going to engage. And if we have a strong radar up of sensitivities towards others, that can make it an additional challenge to take those risks. So I appreciate you saying that. The other thing that came to mind is the whole when self-care looks like stepping away, setting a boundary. The other piece, and I wonder if you could speak to this is what we know about how helping others, there’s kind of the psychology and what we’ve learned actually that’s even backed up in research around how helping others does, can support our recovery, can support our mental health through giving us a sense of meaning and purpose through that help or through altruistic behavior and getting outside of ourselves, I guess, so to speak. So yeah, I feel curious around that as well of that part of the equation.
Amelia Boone (28:48):
And absolutely, I think that being able to, I know I personally struggle with being in my head a lot. I’m in my head and I tend to do better when I do have a purpose and do have some meaning and I can give back. And so I think that that’s part of, that’s kind of like when you’re further along in the recovery journey, you have that mental capacity and emotional capacity to be able to give back, which then shores up your own recovery. Because also in a weird way, and this is very strange, but I do feel like being open with people about this also gives me an accountability as well. I know that I have a hundred thousand people who would be very disappointed if I relapsed, and that sounds very grand, but just in a way, I think that it does give me this weird sense of accountability that I’m like, okay, I’ve got this and I’m cheering other people on who are struggling through this, they’re cheering me on. And it does very much fulfill some of those needs. I think of that support and of that being able to give back because we feel good when we do
Kara Bazzi (30:15):
Well. And I mean, that’s one of the things about eating disorders is it does really, I think a lot of folks with eating disorders, I wouldn’t call them inherently, but the nature of an eating disorder is very self. You get in your head, there’s a lot of obsessional thinking, there’s a lot of fixation on food and body, and so that is kind of inherent in eating disorders. And so just thinking about how getting outside of ourselves in a meaningful way can be one strategy or a positive part to a recovery process.
Amelia Boone (30:54):
Yeah, absolutely. And I also think if you’re not in a place to, if you don’t feel like in a place to give back in terms of recovery too, there are other ways to get outside of yourself than just via being active in the recovery community too. I think before we started recording, I talked about how I started fostering dogs, which was a huge way for me to actually get out of my own head. And so I think that there’s a lot of different ways to do it, and for some people being active in the recovery community isn’t for them. And that would actually be detrimental to them. And in those scenarios, they say more power to you find something else that can give you that meaning as well.
Kara Bazzi (31:42):
Yeah, I’m glad you said that. The other thing I was thinking about Amelia, with, I guess going back to seeing and hearing all the benefits that you have experienced in both demonstrating your honesty, feeling more integrated, giving back to folks, you’re talking about a lot of things that have been really positive in your social media experiences. And I also imagine you do get to hear a lot of other people’s stories, and I would love to hear more about that. I imagine that you’re getting a lot of people opening up to you and probably seeking particular support from you. And so I guess I would love to hear more about that and what that part of the experience is like and what might be questions that you have around that or challenges that you have with that.
Amelia Boone (32:41):
Yeah, and it is amazing. I get tons and tons of emails and messages of people sharing and people and what they’ve gone through and things like that. And I’ll be fully honest, when I first opened up about this, I got so many that they just got lost. I didn’t respond to a lot of things. I also realized at the time, it was just overwhelming for me. But I think that it’s really cool for me to actually just be like, oh, okay, so these things that I thought I was so alone in forever, I’m actually not alone. And that there are other people, and there are people who have since gone into treatment because they’re like, look, I was struggling with the exact same thing. I didn’t know, could I be an athlete and be in recovery? Was I able to juggle these things and here are the things that I’m learning?
Kara Bazzi (33:44):
Can I interrupt you for a second? I don’t know if you know this, but there are actually quite a few folks that have come to Opal because of you. And I don’t know if you get to hear that, if you get to see that come to fruition, but on my end, every time that happens, I have that moment, that emotional moment of tearing up, of seeing the impact that you’ve had in that way is really, really powerful.
Amelia Boone (34:09):
Oh, thank you. Yeah, I know of one or two and they are doing really well, which is phenomenal to me. And I think that that’s the thing is that I came to Opal because I heard another professional runner speak about Opal and going there and her experience there. And so for me, I’m like, if I then can pay that forward and then have those people who then go, whether it’s Opal, a different treatment facility and speak about this, and I think over the past few years we’ve just seen a blossoming of, especially in the athletic world, people saying, no, I’m not going to hide this anymore and I need to fix this and I want to fix this. And the status quo in the athletic world is not okay, and we need to change that. And I’m sure that ripples across as well across to all communities too. And I’ve seen it just more and more people being able to speak about it. And I think for me, that is huge and just feeling like it’s not something that I need to hide anymore and be ashamed of.
Kara Bazzi (35:18):
Yeah. And I am thinking particularly this is the particular, I guess, niche of elite level, professional level athlete and the barriers and particular concerns about entering treatment or getting support that when you, particularly out just what that opens the door for with folks who identify with you. And I know a lot of the conversations that we have at Opal involve just our different identities, and we know that there’s a lot of privilege that athletes have. Yet one of the things that comes up is when it comes to mental health and eating disorders, it’s very difficult for high level athletes to be forthright and to be honest about their eating disorder and the repercussions that might come from doing. And so I guess I say that with the awareness, a lot of the privilege that comes with that, but then also where the other side to that that makes it really difficult for athletes to seek support. So I feel curious. I just feel so curious and imagine a lot of things, a lot of themes that you’re probably getting from folks that are reaching out to you.
Amelia Boone (36:38):
Yeah, I mean, absolutely. And I think that it’s something that people, they’ve have coaches who have encouraged disorder, and luckily that seems to be changing as we get more and more coaches into the space that are more educated on these kinds of topics and that we steer away from conversations around racing and weight and what your body looks like and how that translates to how good you are at your sport. And so I am very heartened that there is a shift in this. And also at the same time, I very much speak for a lot of athletes, but I also am very passionate. This comes from Opal about the fact that we as athletes need to zoom out sometimes and see, also acknowledge our privileges that we have and see that, and for anyone who is that eating disorders are not particular to the small subset of usually fit small runners who are unable to eat enough and that you can be in any size body to have an eating disorder.
(37:54):
Some of the biggest pushback that I receive when I advocate around this is talking about haze health at every size, talking about people in larger bodies in recovery. That is where I actually get a lot of my pushback, my blowback. But I think that it’s so important that for those of us who have, are in a position of privilege that these are also things that we need to talk about to normalize the discussion around eating disorders. Is that there? Yes, my community is very much an athlete community, and that is a lot of what I see in a lot of the experiences that I get. But I also get a lot of people reaching out to me who are like, thank you. I am in a larger body. Nobody believes me that I struggle. And it is so validating to know that you believe me. And I mean, those are the things that just bring tears to my eyes because no one should not feel believed based on the size of their body. And I think that that’s an area that we still have a long way to go. We’re getting there.
Kara Bazzi (38:59):
I just got just goosebumps when you said that. Yeah, it’s huge. It’s such a huge part of breaking weight stigma and weight bias around this. When you have people reach out to you, are there times that you really struggle with, well, how do I support this person? How do you know, feel like it’s challenging to, I guess figure out what the response is, what your role is, what it isn’t? I guess getting into a little bit more of how do you support someone that’s going to open up to you?
Amelia Boone (39:31):
Yeah. I think the number one thing for me is that I always need to preface that I’m not a mental health professional, so this is just my experience. I’m not a doctor, I don’t, and that’s also the attorney in me that just wants to disclaim all type of liability for any advice that I may give. But for me, I am very willing and open to share my experiences about, A lot of people want to know what was it like at Opal, what was it like in an intensive treatment facility, and what are places where can I go? And so for me, I am really big on giving the resources and the tools to be able to handle it. I also know there are certain things that I don’t want to go or where places I don’t want to go is that if a person starts talking to me about the number of calories that they’re eating or their behaviors, and I’m just like, that’s not a place that I’m comfortable talking about, that is more of a boundary that I have to draw.
(40:39):
And at the same time then I get a lot of people who then reach out to me who say, I see you in this and I want to support you. How do I support? Or how do I support a loved one? How do I do that? And it’s funny because I think that as I’ve progressed further along in my recovery, the tables have kind of been turned for me is that I’ve started to be part of a support system for people as opposed to being the person who needs support. And I have a whole new level of respect for the people are out there who are watching their loved ones struggle because it is hard. And I don’t think I ever gave my parents credit, my family credit, all my friends’ credit for how hard that must have been. And so in those scenarios, what I always say, or what I always try to do as a supporter is realize, I am here for you.
(41:41):
I’m here for you. What do you need? How can I help? First of all, do you just need an ear to listen to? Would you like resources? And then also realizing that I can’t fix it for them. And that’s hard as a person who really wants to help that knowing that no one in my life could have fixed this for me. I had parents throw me into a hospital. I had people try and force me into residential treatment. None of it was going to work until I really wanted recovery to come from me. And so I think that for people in positions of support, it’s really hard to separate that and to be like, okay, I can be here. I can be a resource, but I also need to not take it personally if they’re just not ready yet. And I think that that’s one of the things that I’ve had to learn in that support role as well.
Kara Bazzi (42:36):
Yeah, Amelia, I’m so glad you’re saying that because I think that really aligns with what I have seen clinically with folks in supportive roles in our clients’ lives of this huge desire to help and support and having really struggling with knowing how to do that. And I think there’s not a one size fits all answer to that, but generally where I start with them is that it’s totally okay to ask the loved one. What can I do to be supportive to you? And knowing that that changes, that changes, it could change within a day, it could change within a week. But to ask that question and see what their loved one wants and needs from them at that given point in their recovery process.
Amelia Boone (43:24):
Absolutely. And I think it’s also something I’ve realized myself as I’ve gone through this, is that it’s also on me as the person in recovery to be able to say, I’m really struggling with this right now, and I may be upset about something or another. It has nothing to do with you. Because I think that especially sometimes when the person is in that place of just everything seems hard and you’re not in a good spot in your recovery, then you’re going to be very emotional. You may be angry, you may be sad, you may be upset. And the support system clearly wants to fix that and make it better. And honestly, sometimes it’s just saying you can’t, which is the worst thing ever. And God, I wish they could.
Kara Bazzi (44:15):
It means enduring a lot of suffering. I mean, I think for a loved one, it’s so hard to watch this person. They care deeply about being in pain and suffering. And to tolerate that in somebody else is a huge task. But such an important task, such an important task because as you know, the suffering is inherent in the recovery process. You can’t bypass that part, but the loved one has to watch that and be a witness to it, and it’s really hard.
Amelia Boone (44:51):
Oh God, yeah. Now kind of seeing the reverse side of that, I was always on the side of where I was the one, and I was like, well, why don’t you understand? I’m just having a bad day. Don’t take it personally. Totally.
Kara Bazzi (45:07):
Well, Amelia, this is so great to talk to you. I can’t tell you how much pleasure this is for me to be able to have this conversation with you and reconnect with you. And I just am so, I’m even just impacted in this moment just to hear your continual journey and the way that you are showing up more honestly to yourself and going opposite to that shame in your life and in your community. And I just, yeah, I am really grateful for this chance to have this conversation. And I know our listeners are going to benefit a lot from hearing from you. And I just want to give a moment if there’s any other things that you felt like we didn’t cover or anything you’d want to share to the listeners before we wrap this conversation up.
Amelia Boone (46:05):
Yeah, no, thank you. Has, I’ve been giddy about getting the opportunity to chat with you again. It’s been too long. And just for anyone listening, if they do have questions, I have written a fair amount in blog posts of my journey since leaving Opal. And so if you do want to read any of that, it’s all on my website, which is amelia boone racing.com because I’ve figured out a lot of how I’ve figured out things is by writing about it. And so that’s been my therapy.
Kara Bazzi (46:42):
Thanks, Amelia. And again, just a total delight. So if you’re interested in Opal and you want to learn more, please visit us at opal food and body.com. Thanks to David Bazzi for editing and Aaron Davidson for the Appetite’s Original Music. See you next time.
