In this episode, Gabe and Hank courageously open up about vulnerable moments through a process of group self-inquiry. Gabe explores the bitterness that arises from receiving positive affirmations after dance performances, while Hank examines the feelings of stupidity and pointlessness that surfaced when anger was physically expressed. Together with Opal Co-Founders Lexi Giblin, PhD, and Kara Bazzi, LMFT, Gabe and Hank offer each other the gift of provocative questions that elicit new learning. You are invited to kick back, notice what questions you might have asked and what questions hit something spicy for your own growth.
To learn more about Self Inquiry listen to : Self Inquiry Overview episode
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Thank you to our team…
Editing by David Bazzi
Music by Aaron Davidson: https://soundcloud.com/diet75/
Sound engineering by Ayesha Ubayatilaka at Jack Straw Studios
Transcription Summary by Rev.com
This podcast episode demonstrated a therapeutic process called self-inquiry, a mindfulness skill from Radically Open Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. The host, Dr. Lexi Giblin, and co-host, Kara Bazzi, first explained the principles of self-inquiry before facilitating the process with two participants, Gabe and Hank. Gabe explored his feelings of internal resentment and bitterness that arose despite receiving external praise for his dance performances. Hank discussed his experience of frustration after a technical issue and the subsequent feeling of “stupidity” he felt when attempting to physically express his anger, which was a new behavior for him. Both participants received a series of probing questions designed to provoke deeper emotional understanding rather than to be answered directly.
Interviewee Background
Gabe and Hank were participants in a self-inquiry group conducted on “The Appetite” podcast, which is produced by Opal Food and Body Wisdom, an eating disorder treatment clinic. Their full backgrounds were not disclosed, but their participation in this therapeutic exercise suggested they were engaged in personal growth and healing work. Hank explicitly mentioned being in treatment and having made an agreement with his therapist to work on being less agreeable.
Key Points
- Gabe identified a core conflict where external validation for his creative expression (dancing) consistently triggered internal bitterness, self-criticism, and a feeling that his performance was never good enough.
- Gabe struggled with the tension between seeking external validation and his desire to cultivate a more profound sense of internal validation, which was accompanied by emotions of anger, fear, and unworthiness.
- Hank described a specific incident of frustration that led him to consciously attempt to express his anger physically, a departure from his previous pattern of suppression and agreeableness.
- Hank’s primary emotional struggle was not the initial anger itself, but the intense feeling of “stupidity” and risk that accompanied his expression of it, revealing a deep-seated judgment against his own emotional release.
Notable Quotes
- “though I feel warm and I feel proud… at the same time that I’m getting filled up by the responses I’m having this internal resentment bitterness of my performance that I’ve challenged over the last couple of years, that I know that it’s there.” – Gabe,), explaining the conflicting internal experience he had after receiving positive feedback for his dancing.
- “it feels like this almost over the shoulder, like looking for someone else’s validation relationship with myself. So even though I am getting that like heart filling moment with a bit of that wound, it’s also still almost an opportunity to still kind of kick myself.” – Gabe, describing how moments of external praise became opportunities for self-criticism.
- “I felt so stupid the whole time while I was doing it, but I was also trying in some ways to get out of both the freeze and flight response, the shutdown and the rationalize away.” – Hank, reflecting on the feeling he had while physically expressing his anger by punching pillows in a private room.
- “it was the experience of helplessness in the moment, but I think maybe even more potently the sense of stupidity in finally expressing like my upset and how I was feeling in this way that I thought would look bad or scary or was in some way volatile and risky.” – Hank, clarifying that the most difficult emotion for him was the self-judgment he experienced after expressing his anger.
